Sep 15, 2026 · 18 min
Rewriting painful memories may change how safety feels
Feeling insecure? Try this memory-update exercise
Emotionally charged memories can quietly shape self-worth, relationships and perceptions of the world, while this exercise offers a way to revisit them with care.
- 1Open memories that still trigger emotion can continue influencing present-day beliefs about the self and the world.
- 2Memory reconsolidation pairs vivid recall with an adult self’s comfort, protection and reinterpretation of the younger experience.
- 3Updating a painful memory may increase felt safety and receptiveness to support, but deep trauma calls for a therapist’s guidance.
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Franco imagines her adult self entering a childhood memory to comfort and protect the younger self, then describes the resulting shift toward safety and confidence.
The brief
Psychologist Marisa G. Franco explains how emotionally charged memories can keep shaping self-worth, attachment and perceptions of the world long after the original event.
The exercise begins with an “open” memory—one that still triggers emotion—recalled vividly in the present tense, with attention to sensory detail and its implied beliefs.
Franco models the intervention through a childhood memory of waiting for her mother after soccer practice, imagining her adult self arriving to comfort and protect her younger self.
The updated memory changes the emotional and bodily experience: greater safety, confidence and connection, alongside a reframed understanding of her mother’s absence.
Franco says repeated practice may make support and goodness easier to recognize, while deep trauma or a mental health diagnosis is best addressed with a therapist.
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Marisa G. FrancoMentioned
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