Sep 27, 2026 · 33 min
Manners turn shared spaces into workable social contracts
The end of etiquette
As public and workplace norms shift, the episode asks which expectations still help people coexist—and how to make disagreements legible.
- 1Manners balance individual convenience against collective comfort in crowded public spaces.
- 2Etiquette evolves with society, but flexibility works best when expectations are explicit and inclusive.
- 3Workplace friction often reflects unstated norms, making direct conversations about specific behaviors more effective.
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Tessa West turns workplace etiquette into a concrete management problem, urging people to document expectations and confront specific behaviors directly.
The brief
Kirsty Sedgman frames manners as a social contract: everyday courtesy asks people to consider others, even as individualism makes shared norms harder to sustain.
On transit and planes, the conflict is simple but persistent: personal convenience meets collective comfort in what Sedgman calls the “reasonable tango.”
Lizzie Post argues that etiquette is neither fixed nor inherently elitist; it changes with society, from Emily Post’s rules to speakerphone and texting.
The episode’s sharpest turn comes at work, where Tessa West says vague expectations around communication, noise, hygiene, and hierarchy can quietly damage relationships and careers.
West’s remedy is practical: document workplace norms, address conflicts live, and focus on specific behaviors rather than generalized feelings or asynchronous messages.
Kirsty Sedgman
Tessa WestMentioned
John RawlsBooks & mentions
On Being Unreasonable: Breaking the Rules and Making Things Better
Sedgman’s book extends the episode’s examination of reasonableness, power, and social norms.
Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them
West’s practical guide develops the episode’s advice for handling difficult workplace behavior.
Listen to the full episode and explore every guest, topic, and moment on PodLume.